First We Kill all the Lawyers

I am so sick of trial lawyers.

On Wednesday Apple released an iPod software update that lets users limit the maximum volume on their iPod nanos and fifth-generation iPods. The move acknowledges a product flaw, according to lawyers who filed a class-action lawsuit against Apple in January.

The Sony Walkman hit the scene twenty-six years ago.

(B)y Spring of 1981, at least two dozen companies were selling similar devices, many of which were marketed with catchy names of their own. Toshiba had their Stereo Walky, Infinity had their Intimate, Panasonic sold their Stereo-To-Go, GE marketed their Escape, and even discount audio producer Craig followed suit with the Soundalong.

Where were the lawyers in 1981? The Walkman was just as loud as the iPod. In fact, having owned both products, I would venture to say that my old Walkman was even louder than my iPod. To be sure, we were not without our wannabe-nanny-worry-warts.

As with any fad, many groups raised concerns with the Walkman. Were we at risk while performing daily activities like driving or walking around town oblivious to the world around us? Would we go deaf or catch brain damage? Would we turn into anti-social creatures, encapsulated in our little personal stereo world?

Suddenly, in 2006, the lawyers have gotten a whif of cash, and here they come with a class-action lawsuit, designed to siphon millions from Apple, line the lawyers pockets with gold, and distribute pennies to the alleged "injured parties." Whether anyone has actually been injured is, of course, "irrelevent:"

A lawyer for the plaintiff said he didn't know if his client had suffered hearing loss, but said that's irrelevant. "He's bought a product which is not safe to use as currently sold on the market," the lawyer said.