Hallmark's Rejected Card Ideas

The LA Times has picked up an AP piece documenting some Hallmark cards that never saw the light of day. I think these are better than some of the cards they did print.

CHRISTMAS

Front: Spread some holiday cheer.
Inside: Or drink alone. Who am I to judge?

BIRTHDAY

Front: My ex-girlfriend had a cat named Love because she said that's what it gave her.
Inside: So I called it Bloody Forearms. Hope no one gets you a cat for your birthday.

Front: I wanted to give you a body piercing for your birthday.
Inside: But I didn't think I could get you drunk enough to where you wouldn't feel the stapler!

WEDDING & ENGAGEMENT

Front: Did I hear wedding bells?
Inside: Or was that the natural disaster siren? Sometimes I get them confused. Whatever it was, it was loud. Congratulations ... or take cover!

Front: Marriage is a bond that is unbreakable except by two-thirds of the population.
Inside: But it's you top-third couples that give the rest of us hope.

MOTHER'S DAY

Front: When I think of you, Mom, I swell with pride.
Inside: At least I hope it's pride. Otherwise, I'm pregnant again.

Hat tip: Boortz