Maureen Dowd's a physicist????

In the NY Times yesterday was an article by Maureen Dowd (registration required). In the article she uses one Clinton Cabinet member's stupid comments, Lawrence Summers, to disparage Condoleeza Rice. She suggests that Condi may be suffering from a lack of ability to do mathematics and physics just like Larry suggested in his asinine speech. If Larry was a Bush Cabinet member Gloria Steinem and Patty Ireland would have hung him by his testicles by now.

However Larry gets the Marc Rich Clinton Pardon, after all, all liberals deserve a second chance just ask Marion Barry.

Maureen says:

Was Condi out doing figure eights at the ice skating rink when she should
have been home learning her figures? She couldn't have spent much time studying
classic word problems: If two trains leave Chicago at noon, one going south at
20 miles an hour and one going north at 30 miles an hour, how far will each have
gotten by midnight?

No, Maureen. In fact, I believe one day Condi was sitting at home having her parents tell her that she wouldn't be seeing one of her 11 year old friends anymore because some small minded white guys blew up a Church in Birmingham. I'm quite sure she knows her figures.

Our new top diplomat has obviously not mastered fractions. When she
asserted during her confirmation hearing that 120,000 Iraqi troops had been
trained, Senator Joe Biden corrected her, saying she was off by a bit. His
calculation of trained Iraqi troops was actually 4,000 - hers was 30 times that.
Maybe she's confusing hyperbole and hypotenuse.

No, Maureen. Joe Biden was quoting figures given to him by troops on the ground so you're talking maybe a Lt. Colonel most likely an NCO. I mean who are these mysterious "men on the ground" you're quoting Joe. You are starting to sound a bit like Fox Mulder in the X-files, Senator Biden. Condeleeza's number come from reports that are given to her by the Joint Chiefs of Staff and the Generals in Iraq. So basically, Mr. Biden you have all of the sudden become a General in our military and know more than the Generals running the war over there.

Ms. Rice and her fellow imperialists know so little about physics that they
arrogantly jumped into "spooky action at a distance," turning the country they
had hoped to make into a model democracy into a training ground for
international terrorists, a nucleus for a new generation of radioactively
dangerous fanatics.

How could they forget Newton's third law: for every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction?

The administration needs a lesson in subtraction. How do we subtract our troops and replace them with Iraqi troops while the terrorists keep subtracting Iraqi troops with car bombs and
rocket-propelled grenades?

Condi may not know Einstein's theory of relativity, but she has a fine grasp of Cheney's theory of moral relativity.

Because they're the good guys, they can do anything: dissembling to get into
war; flattening Iraqi cities to save them; replacing the Geneva Conventions with
unconventional ways of making prisoners talk. The only equation the Bushies know
is this one: Might = Right.

Actually Maureen, "spooky action at a distance" has nothing to do with radioactivity. It is the ability to take the quantum numbers of one object and duplicate them in another location using a process which destroys the original object. Many people call this "teleportation," but I'll leave this for the theologians to figure out. Personally, I like my "man parts" where they are so I'm not letting anyone teleport me.

Congratulations for getting Newton's third law correct!!!

But you forgot Newton's first law:

I. Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it.

Maureen, this is why your brains are continuing to leak out of your formerly intelligent mind, which has been clouded by such hatred for Bush that you are actually bashing the first black woman nominated to secretary of State.

Einstein's standard theory of relativity depends on the position of the observer. Let's see Condi is observing from the White House Situation room. You are observing from some "beautiful people" club in midtown Manhattan while drinking vodka tonics.

The general theory of relativity has to do with the curvature of space time do to the presence of massive objects. So space-time is more curved around Hillary's butt than yours. (Since, writing this blog I have noticed I have an unhealthy infatuation with Mrs. Clinton's behind.)

Might equals right may not always be true but Energy does equal mass times the speed of light squared. Now this equation does have to do with nuclear bombs. And Maureen just remember we still have the big bombs.