Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Dog Tales

Doggie Story #1

Saturday, we bought dog food. This entails a 40 minute drive to Suffolk, loading 160 lbs of frozen raw chicken into two sturdy plastic boxes, and a 40 minute return trip. 80 lbs is placed directly in the freezer, and 80 goes into the tub to thaw for bagging into 1-day portions, about 10 backs to bag.

The dog food store is under new management, and the owner, eager to help, picked up the other end of the 80 lb plastic box. But instead of edging it to the tailgate and sliding it back, as I normally do, she said, “1, 2, 3” and tossed her end into the back of the Jeep. Holding onto the other end of the box, feet planted firmly and not ready for this outcome, my back twisted violently. I felt the muscle pull immediately, and now if I sit in one place too long I look like a hunchback when I get up. I can’t quite fathom an existence in which one can pull a muscle buying dog food.

Doggie Story #2

Anyway, with two 40 lb bags safely in the tub and two more safely in the freezer, we went about our business, not realizing that the freezer had not properly sealed. By the time we figured it out, the chicken had partially thawed and chicken blood was running out the bottom of the door and across the garage floor. Most people’s “honey do” list features fixing locks and wiring lamps. Mine entails scrubbing blood off the garage floor and trying to bleach the smell out of it.

Doggie Story #3 (Illustrated)

I have a bruise on my left forearm. At its peak, it was about an inch across, yellow and swollen in the middle and dark around the perimeter. Nice little welt. It’s getting better, but it’s still noticeable after a week. How did it get there? I was letting the dogs out to the yard.

As with most dogs, going to the yard is source of considerable excitement in our house. First we let them from the house to the garage, where much frantic jumping, whimpering, and running back and forth between me and the outside door is the rule. This is pretty standard behavior for most dogs, but most dogs are not Great Danes.

Maggie, in her excitement to get out and eat some grass or whatever it is she does out there, ran toward me from the back door, spun around, and whipped me in the arm with her tail. I think the end of it went supersonic. And a week later, here I sit with a bruise on my arm from letting the dogs out to the yard

Look at that tail. It’s about 30 inches long, an inch thick, and attached to 140 pounds of dog. When she’s happy, that thing is real weapon.


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