Hillary’s Pennsylvania victory speech

Did I hear this all right? This is what Hillary! promises to accomplish as president:

Provide jobs that can’t be shipped overseas
What jobs can’t be done by foreigners? How does Hillary propose to control who produces what?

Provide “clean renewable jobs”
I suppose this is a nod to the hemp re-usable grocery bag lobby, because I have no idea what else she could be talking about.

Solve dependence on foreign oil
Yay! Oil from ANWAR, oil from the coastal reserves. Sure, we’ll see that in my lifetime.

Lower gas prices
As long as it doesn’t entail increasing supply or lowering taxes, the only real-life ways of lowering prices.

Provide health care for all Americans
Free health care for all! Yippee! Who pays for the doctors and the MRI’s? Who cares, it’s all UNIVERSAL!!

Provide college for all Americans
Free college for all! Yippee! Who pays for the professors and the science labs? Who cares, it’s all UNIVERSAL!!

End the “war on science”
I am guessing this is code for “compell taxpayers to pay for stem cell research.”

Provide renewed commitment to science
Tackle autism, Altzheimers, cancer, and diabetes.
I am positive this entails increasing taxes, and it panders to every age demographic imagineable.