Words of Wisdom

Stolen from a local biker magazine:

Give a person a fish, and you feed them for a day. Teach that person to use the internet, and they won't bother you for weeks.

Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end, and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."

Health nuts are going to feel silly one day, lying in the hospital dying of nothing.

The other night I ate at a genuine family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

Have you noticed since everyone has camcorders, nobody talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about women is their eyes. Women say the first thing they notice about men is that they are bunch of liars.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

We could all learn from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two hundred bucks, and a sunstantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

In the 60s, people took acid to make the world look weird. Now, the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make the world feel normal.

How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes the whole box to start a campfire?