Friday, April 08, 2005

Survivor Palau: Episode 8

Let's take a minute to set the stage for this one. Team Koror is sitting fat and happy with eight of nine original members, having won every immunity challenge and most of the rewards. Ulong can't properly be called a "tribe," having been reduced to a "couple," namely the winsome Steph and the somewhat obscure Bobby Jon. With only two members, they can't vote at tribal council, so either the tribes will merge and immunity will become an individual reward, or Mark Burnett will change the rules. Either way, this promises to be an eventful episode.

Night 18 finds Steph and Bobby Jon congratulating each other on running Ibrehem out of town. Bobby Jon justifies his vote as the "best for the tribe" but we all know he just wants to keep looking at Steph in her bra. At least that would be my reasoning.

Day 19 finds the Koror living amongst their own filth. The shark head is rotting on a pole, wine bottles are scattered haphazardly about, and the rats are feasting on discarded coconuts. This is what happens when a group of spoiled Americans win everything, and I can't help but think British producer Mark Burnett is sending us a message here.

Coby complains about the mess, and dishes on the girls, proclaiming himself a "feminist" while threatening to throw them in the fire for letting a man do the hard work. Sometimes a person comes along and lives up to all the stereotypes, and tonight Coby is that guy.

Time for reward challenge, and Koror marches in to find Probst standing behind a crude – um, well, what is it? A desk? A workstation? A lectern? A bar maybe?

Steph and Bobby Jon march in, and Probst declares "You're only two, but you're still a tribe." I spray my gin and tonic across my lap at that statement. Ulong hasn't acted as a "tribe" (i.e. a group of people pulling for a common good) since pierced and tattooed Angie left weeks ago.

The challenge is to eat fertilized duck eggs with partially formed ducks inside, so that structure Probst occupies is evidently a crude lunch counter. A lunch counter for people eating duck fetuses, or whatever you call these things. Reward is 55 gallons of fresh water and toiletries.

After four rounds of Tom, Ian, Steph and BJ eating wads of feathers and beaks, they're tied and we are treated to an "eat-off," first one to eat 5 duck fetuses wins. Tom v BJ and Tom wins for Koror yet again. Boy does Steph look pissed off, almost like she is sucking on an egg. And I guess that after this challenge, in a way, she is. Bobby Jon, after losing, finishes eating the little ducks. I pray I am never that hungry, although if you believe Terri Schiavo's doctors, Bobby Jon should really be serene and ecstatic rather than famished.

Reward brings dissent to Koror as the girls want to use the water to shower and the guys think they should preserve it for drinking. In the end, Tom prevails as alpha male and no showers are had. Strangely, nobody thinks to take the soap out to the lagoon to clean up there. Maybe they signed a waiver to confine their pollution to the beach.

Meanwhile, BJ and Steph lament another loss. Bobby Jon: "Ahm mean ah had mah throat open as muches ah cood, stuffin' it in their, but Tom, he shoved his in faster." If Bobby Jon survives the merge, he'd better not talk like that around Coby.

Koror sits in the sun relaxing and complaining about how boring winning is. Some larger strategy is finally revealed and we learn Tom, Ian, Katie, and Stephenie allied on day 2, so there will be some interesting games to be played after the merge if she survives. Later that day we see Steph break down in frustration, so making it back to her compadres at Koror may be a problem.
Sidenote: As I type this it is 11:20 PM and I am on my second trip through this episode. It is also 78 degrees in my living room, and we haven't had the heat on in 4 days. I am so glad to be out of the great white north.
Day 21 finds Steph and BJ not giving up. In fact, BJ spears what appears to be a needlefish, and the happy couple chow down. BJ is also decompensating, blowing what Steph affectionately calls "snot rockets" out of his nose. This is possibly more disgusting than the duck fetuses (fetii?).

Time for immunity challenge and the crews gather on the beach. Probst still looks like that freaking idol.

The challenge consists of collecting puzzle pieces along an underwater obstacle course and lots of other confusing stuff involving solving word puzzles. The race is on and Ulong is slightly ahead after the collecting phase. Not surprisingly though Koror. Wins. Again. Now what?

A rule change! An individual immunity challenge, loser goes home.

Koror celebrates yet again, this time by categorizing each other: "the three oldest people, the gay guy, the tall skinny guy, the dancer." Katie declares themselves "underdogs" for being quirky and looking weird, never mind that the other tribe had a girl with multiple piercings, and three guys from Alabama (not that there's anything wrong with that).

At this point, Coby delivers a monologue, and let me just say that his stock rose 100 points. Bringing a tear to both his eyes and mine, he confesses that he was never part of a team of any sort, that he was always called a "girly guy," and being part of a winning team means so much to him. In my school, there were places for guys like Coby, where us jocks pretty much left them alone - drama, debate, newspaper, that sort of thing. But Coby's admission of having lived a lonely and tormented childhood is genuine and moving, and I want to take this moment away from my usual snarky self and congratulate Mr. Coby on his performance so far. Way to go, dude. You da man.

For their part, Steph and BJ mope about bad luck, and we are treated to BJ's mad fire makin' skilz. Slowly, they realize that the winner will be back at camp all alone. And that's a scary prospect. Who can imagine spending a night alone with a half dozen cameramen?

Tribal council. Probst's de rigueur interview is, for once, interesting. With no vote in the offing, and no jury watching, we get a genuine assessment. We learn how much BJ respects Steph, we learn that fire is difficult to maintain, and we learn that these two, the remnants of the most incompetent tribe ever assembled, have figured out that they can survive on their own after only 21 days. And that means something. Between this and Coby's revelations, I suspect that Survivor is getting all philosophical on us.

The challenge is to make a high fire faster than your opponent. BJ is confident, Steph is worried. And so am I.

The challenge is on. Bobby Jon, knowing what all us guys know, builds the standard fire: high incendiary kindling on the bottom, high fuel wood stacked above with lots of air space.

Stephenie makes an intellectual quantum leap, realizing that the contest is not about the best fire but the tallest fire. So, while BJ builds a standard Boy Scout fire with kindling below and fuel above, Steph stacks her fuel up as high as it will go and piles her kindling on top of that!

With a winning strategy, Steph beats the fire king and moves on, and BJ is gone. Steph goes home to the beach alone. With the camera crew.

Next week: Tom and Coby catfight while Stephenie soldiers on, alone but still stunning.

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