Friday, December 21, 2007

Stolen shamelessly from a bulletin board I frequent:

Dear Dogs,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming yours.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.

I can not buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.

There is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have used the bathroom for years, canine and feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is to greet me, and then go and smell the other dog's rear end. I can not stress this enough!

I love you, my dear pets, and so posted the following message on our front door:

To All Who Complain About Certain Members Of My Family

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, please stay off the furniture.
3. I like my pets better than I like some people. To insult them is to make you one of those people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, they are my brothers and sisters (for some they are their sons and daughters) who are short statured and furry and do not speak English.


  • Eat less.
  • Do not ask for money.
  • Are easier to train.
  • Never ask to drive the car.
  • Do not hang out with drug using friends.
  • Do not smoke or drink.
  • Do not have to buy the latest fashion.
  • Do not want to wear your clothes.
  • Do not need a gazillion dollars for college.
  • Do not come home pregnant or tell you they got a girl pregnant, since you can castrate them when they're still infants.
  • Yet if you neglected to castrate them and they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

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