Survivor Palau - Episode 4
I have again assembled the tools of the trade, but this time the Tanqueray has been replaced by rotgut. It seems a shame to waste the good stuff on these clowns.
Night 8 at Ulong, and the tribe is lamenting the loss of Hobbled Jeff. James, for his part, makes this observation: "Koror is using strategy when it comes to the immunity challenge." Gee, James, do ya think? This is the kind of piercing insight that keeps guys like me glued to the screen. That and Stephenie. Sweet, taught, tanned Stephenie. Excuse me, I'll be right back . . .
OKAY. Bobby Jon thinks that Ulong’s problem is one of self esteem. Never mind that Steph and Pierced Angie are the only members that ever succeed at anything. A few gold stars and a smiley face in the tree mail, and they'd be right in it, man.
Koror, still besieged by rats, finds treemail directing them to choose a representative. Everyone would gladly do it, but Fireman Tom selects Ian. No democracy here, but they are kicking butt on democratic Ulong, so what the hey. Strangely, Ulong elects not to vote at all, since nobody is able to reach a decision. They go fishing instead. This is democracy?
Probst lands atNormandy Koror Beach in the LST Home Depot and challenges them to build a bathroom with six tools of their choice. They have one day to build a toilet / shower / washroom. Reward will be a shelter built by the crew.
At Ulong, Probst re-presents the challenge. James is drafted to lead, and Steph stands up and puts her hands on her hips. She stands straight up in her bra and cutoff shorts, her tummy tight enough to bounce a dime off. Oh cripes, I'll be right back . . .
OKAY. James picks his tools, and both tribes set to work. Saw, hammer, nail, saw, hammer, nail. Before long Kim gets the vapors and Bobby Jon channels Paul Bunyon. "Winners keep perserverin" he says, oblivious to the fact that Ulong has not yet won much of anything but a sewing kit. Kim, for her part, thinks these people are crazy for working so hard.
Probst brings production designer Jesse to judge the bathrooms. Koror would be shocked SHOCKED! if they don't win. Ulong is similarly confident. Probst and Jesse will return later to the winning tribe.
In the least suspenseful challenge conclusion ever, the crew returns to Koror and builds a 4-star Gilligan's Island hut. Two bottles of champagne are split amongst the nine tribe members; Tom romances Ian and Caryn laughs like a hyena. Freaking lightweights.
Slowly, it dawns on Ulong that they have lost. Once. Again. James is ticked. Angry even. "Run through 'em like a dang bulldozer" pissed. Whatever. We'll take James seriously if and when his crew wins something.
Day 11 dawns at Ulong to find Steph wearing denim shorts and a toolbelt. Treemail tells her that she will have to duel with a pillow, so Steph takes to practicing against a tree. She swings, her tanned thighs flex, and I'll be right back . . .
OKAY. James pledges to be a Wolverine, and Bobby Jon pledges to "faht faht faht."
The challenge is a duel on a raft, each survivor attempting to push his opponent off.
The duels are battled. 41 year-old Fireman Tom defeats 27 year-old Bobby Jon not once, but twice! Score one for us old guys! Stephenie wins in a walk, but I am too spent to celebrate her victory. On we go, push push shove shove until eventually it’s Flamboyant Hairdresser Coby against Southern Steelworker James for all the marbles.
Coby beats James for the second time, and Koror wins immunity for the 4th consecutive time. Ulong schleps home, beaten again.
Back at their beach, Ulong agonizes over another loss. James, wearing a dress of sorts, says, "It feels tirrible ta have mah butt whupped by a homer-sectual, ya know? But a lotta gay folks are strong, main, They all workin' out at the gym an all, ya know? Daim." Stereotypes run rampant on both sides of that one
Stephenie, meanwhile, is smokin' hot in her toolbelt, and boy is she pissed at James. A girl's alliance starts to form with Kim and Angie, but seems to evaporate just as fast. We have no idea what they will do. Heck, they have no idea what they are going to do. No one could have predicted it, but Steph and Pierced Angie seem to now be the powerbrokers in this clan, what little power there is.
At tribal council, Pierced Angie states "Now, I nail a lot at home." We viewers are unsurprised by this revelation, as Angie has spent most of the last 11 days in her underwear with her chest pixilated out. James, meanwhile, continues his obsession with Cody, stating "That boy raht thair gots some ass behind him." Go ahead, run through every gay 'ass joke' you can think of, because I did. I'll wait. ... ... ... Done? Okay, time to vote. Probst counts 'em up and Kim is gone. Somehow, she musters the energy to walk out, and Ulong wanders back to camp, beaten and demoralized.
Next week, romance blossoms at Koror, and Ulong needs an On-Star subscription to get home.
Night 8 at Ulong, and the tribe is lamenting the loss of Hobbled Jeff. James, for his part, makes this observation: "Koror is using strategy when it comes to the immunity challenge." Gee, James, do ya think? This is the kind of piercing insight that keeps guys like me glued to the screen. That and Stephenie. Sweet, taught, tanned Stephenie. Excuse me, I'll be right back . . .
OKAY. Bobby Jon thinks that Ulong’s problem is one of self esteem. Never mind that Steph and Pierced Angie are the only members that ever succeed at anything. A few gold stars and a smiley face in the tree mail, and they'd be right in it, man.
Koror, still besieged by rats, finds treemail directing them to choose a representative. Everyone would gladly do it, but Fireman Tom selects Ian. No democracy here, but they are kicking butt on democratic Ulong, so what the hey. Strangely, Ulong elects not to vote at all, since nobody is able to reach a decision. They go fishing instead. This is democracy?
Probst lands at
At Ulong, Probst re-presents the challenge. James is drafted to lead, and Steph stands up and puts her hands on her hips. She stands straight up in her bra and cutoff shorts, her tummy tight enough to bounce a dime off. Oh cripes, I'll be right back . . .
OKAY. James picks his tools, and both tribes set to work. Saw, hammer, nail, saw, hammer, nail. Before long Kim gets the vapors and Bobby Jon channels Paul Bunyon. "Winners keep perserverin" he says, oblivious to the fact that Ulong has not yet won much of anything but a sewing kit. Kim, for her part, thinks these people are crazy for working so hard.
Probst brings production designer Jesse to judge the bathrooms. Koror would be shocked SHOCKED! if they don't win. Ulong is similarly confident. Probst and Jesse will return later to the winning tribe.
In the least suspenseful challenge conclusion ever, the crew returns to Koror and builds a 4-star Gilligan's Island hut. Two bottles of champagne are split amongst the nine tribe members; Tom romances Ian and Caryn laughs like a hyena. Freaking lightweights.
Slowly, it dawns on Ulong that they have lost. Once. Again. James is ticked. Angry even. "Run through 'em like a dang bulldozer" pissed. Whatever. We'll take James seriously if and when his crew wins something.
Day 11 dawns at Ulong to find Steph wearing denim shorts and a toolbelt. Treemail tells her that she will have to duel with a pillow, so Steph takes to practicing against a tree. She swings, her tanned thighs flex, and I'll be right back . . .
OKAY. James pledges to be a Wolverine, and Bobby Jon pledges to "faht faht faht."
The challenge is a duel on a raft, each survivor attempting to push his opponent off.
The duels are battled. 41 year-old Fireman Tom defeats 27 year-old Bobby Jon not once, but twice! Score one for us old guys! Stephenie wins in a walk, but I am too spent to celebrate her victory. On we go, push push shove shove until eventually it’s Flamboyant Hairdresser Coby against Southern Steelworker James for all the marbles.
Coby beats James for the second time, and Koror wins immunity for the 4th consecutive time. Ulong schleps home, beaten again.
Back at their beach, Ulong agonizes over another loss. James, wearing a dress of sorts, says, "It feels tirrible ta have mah butt whupped by a homer-sectual, ya know? But a lotta gay folks are strong, main, They all workin' out at the gym an all, ya know? Daim." Stereotypes run rampant on both sides of that one
Stephenie, meanwhile, is smokin' hot in her toolbelt, and boy is she pissed at James. A girl's alliance starts to form with Kim and Angie, but seems to evaporate just as fast. We have no idea what they will do. Heck, they have no idea what they are going to do. No one could have predicted it, but Steph and Pierced Angie seem to now be the powerbrokers in this clan, what little power there is.
At tribal council, Pierced Angie states "Now, I nail a lot at home." We viewers are unsurprised by this revelation, as Angie has spent most of the last 11 days in her underwear with her chest pixilated out. James, meanwhile, continues his obsession with Cody, stating "That boy raht thair gots some ass behind him." Go ahead, run through every gay 'ass joke' you can think of, because I did. I'll wait. ... ... ... Done? Okay, time to vote. Probst counts 'em up and Kim is gone. Somehow, she musters the energy to walk out, and Ulong wanders back to camp, beaten and demoralized.
Next week, romance blossoms at Koror, and Ulong needs an On-Star subscription to get home.
posted by Kurt at
9:35 AM
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