The Borowitz Report

This from satirist Andy Borowitz:

Former Vermont Governor Howard Dean today announced his candidacy for the chairmanship of the Democratic National Committee, proclaiming, “It is time for the Democrats to pass the torch to a new generation of losers.”

Mr. Dean made his announcement in Burlington, Vermont to a crowd of supporters and well-wishers, many of whom were instrumental in helping him lose in 2004.

“As Democrats, we cannot afford to continue with our old ways of losing,” he said. “We must find new ways of losing.”

Promising “a fresh approach to defeat,” Mr. Dean told his audience, “In the past, we have lost by being boring and uncharismatic, but I believe we must lose by being crazy and wild-eyed.”