Last Night on Fox News

Shepard Smith: “BREAKINGNEWS from Aruba in the case of the missing Alabama girl and Rick Leventhal is LIVEONTHESCENE. Rick?”

Rick Leventhal: “That’s right, Shep, authorities have narrowed their search to the immediate area around the young girl’s hotel.”

Shepard Smith: “So could this be the break in the case everyone’s been waiting for?”

Rick Leventhal: *sigh* “It looks that way, Shep. This could be it. The end of the line. No more missing girl in paradise.”

Shepard Smith: “Rick, is that a problem?

Rick Leventhal: I guess not for her parents. But for some people on this island, this is very, very bad news indeed.”

Shepard Smith: “I imagine the local boy implicated in her disappearance should be rightly concerned.”

Rick Leventhal: “Oh who cares about that moron. I’m talking about me, you idiot.

Shepard Smith: “RICKLEVENTHAL with a shocking revelation from Aruba.”

Rick Leventhal: “Knock off the melodrama, Shep. We both know that when this gig is over, Murdoch is sending my butt back to Baghdad. I mean, come on, where would you rather report from? The tradewinds or a blinding sandstorm? Who would you rather face? Arubans driving too fast in small cars or Iraqis driving too slow in exploding cars? That’s a no-brainer for this guy.”

Shepard Smith: “Sounds like DISCENSIONINTHERANKS. Rick Leventhal is here to report about a mutiny in FOXNEWS, and he’s LIVEFROMARUBA. Rick?”

Rick Leventhal: “Oh, please. You sit around in your limo in New York, canoodling with Laurie Dhue and Lauren Green, while I hop a military transport from Orangestad to Baghdad to face al-Queda terrorists. Do you know what these terrorists think about young Jewish reporters? Did you hear about Danny Pearl up there in New York, Shep? Huh? Did ya Shep?”

Shepard Smith: “Well, that’s all from Rick. Time to go AROUNDTHEWORLD in eighty seconds.”