Anybody that has ever dealt with a government agent knows these catchphrases oh too well.
BUREAUCRAT: That’s very interesting.
MEANING: I disagree.
BUREAUCRAT: I don’t disagree.
MEANING: I disagree.
BUREAUCRAT: I don’t totally disagree with you.
MEANING: You may be right but I don’t care.
BUREAUCRAT: You have to show some flexibility.
MEANING: You have to do it whether you want to or not.
BUREAUCRAT: We have an opportunity.
MEANING: You have a problem.
BUREAUCRAT: Help me to understand.
MEANING: I don’t know what you’re talking about, and I don’t think you do either.
BUREAUCRAT: You need to see the big picture.
MEANING: My boss thinks it’s a good idea.
BUREAUCRAT: My mind is made up. I am adamant on the subject. There is no room for discussion. But if you do want to discuss it further, my door is always open.
MEANING: Fuck you.
BUREAUCRAT: We’re going to follow a strict methodology here.
MEANING: We’re going to do it my way.
BUREAUCRAT: I didn’t understand the e-mail you said you sent. Can you give me a quick summary?
MEANING: I still can’t figure out how to start the e-mail program.
BUREAUCRAT: We have to leverage our resources.
MEANING: You’ll be working on weekends.
BUREAUCRAT: You need to be more proactive.
MEANING: You should have protected me from myself.
BUREAUCRAT: I’d like your buy-in on this.
MEANING: I want someone else to blame when this thing bombs.
BUREAUCRAT: We want you to be the executive champion of this project.
MEANING: I want to be able to blame you for my mistakes.
BUREAUCRAT: We need to syndicate this decision.
MEANING: We need to spread the blame if it backfires.
BUREAUCRAT: We have to put on our marketing hats.
MEANING: We have to put ethics aside.
BUREAUCRAT: It’s not possible. It’s impractical. It won’t work.
MEANING: I don’t know how to do it.
BUREAUCRAT: It’s a no-brainer.
MEANING: It’s a perfect decision for me to handle.
BUREAUCRAT: I’m glad you asked me that.
MEANING: Public relations has written a carefully phrased answer.
BUREAUCRAT: I see you involved your peers in developing your proposal.
MEANING: One person couldn’t possibly come up with something this stupid.
BUREAUCRAT: There are larger issues at stake.
MEANING: I’ve made up my mind, so don’t bother me with the facts.
BUREAUCRAT: I’ll never lie to you.
MEANING: The truth will change frequently.
BUREAUCRAT: Our agency is going through a paradigm shift.
MEANING: We have no idea what we’ve been doing, but in the future we shall do something completely different.
Hat-Tip: Brother Jim